Essay Thoughts

Brandon:
I really enjoyed your introduction and I felt you did a good job of introducing your topic smoothly. I found the discussion of verbal accounts important to acknowledge (but maybe transition a little more into it because it feels a little forced).
Most importantly though, you are doing a good job of telling a story. Your topic lends itself nicely to a narrative of the progression of Mexican-Americans from before the War to after the War. While the post-War part clearly needs development, you are teed up to make your point and draw your conclusions. One thing to think about that I see potentially becoming an issue is: Is Mexican-Americans' motivations for fighting still the central theme of your paper? How do you see their motivations figuring into your argument regarding the quest for first-class citizenship?

Another thought: Be careful with how often you use "however"

Alice:
Your paper is incredibly well written. Your transition from introduction to the history of the Pinkerton's is practically seamless and you use your sources incredibly well. I can tell that writing the rough draft was helpful for you in that it showed you what dates/names you still need to look up but your research has been thorough. I think your argument is very well laid out and you tell your narrative very well. My comments are primarily stylistic rather than substantive. Be careful not to use the long dash too much because it's a great tool for drawing attention to large points, but becomes less powerful with each use. You love using commas and often times I believe you are a little liberal in your usage. Some of your sentences would be more powerful without the breaks of the commas.
I would love to get a chance to read your conclusion in order to make some more substantive comments on your overarching conclusions given your full narrative, but at this point I think you have a phenomenal start and just need to draw conclusions from what you've set forth.

Thanks Everyone!
Tom