Comments on first drafts

I am the official commenter for Alice's Pinkertonian paper, which I will bring to class.

I also read Jenni's paper and Brendn's, and so here are some brief comments on both:

Brendan-
you've got a lot of really good writing here, and clearly have done a ton of research. Your goal of writing a paper describing the inequities for Latino Americans and their "quest for first-class citizenship" over the course of American history is a huge undertaking. I would be a bit wary of setting up your paper to do this much. I would focus on concentrating your argument on how WWII was a turning point in the Latin American civil rights movement, rather than seeking to explain this entire process (I don't think you are actually going to do this, but your fourth paragraph makes it seem as such). Your paper will be plenty strong and very interesting if you focus on WWII alone; giving background info will be great to help explain this time period, but I would restructure your thesis paragraph so the reader understands your intent.
Your writing is really strong, and very easy to follow. It was really interesting to read your commentary on the beginnings of the war. Your sources are diverse, and I like that you lay them out in the beginning so we know what we're going to be reading about. Plus it's just interesting to know where you are getting these amazing oral histories from.
I think you have the structure of your paper fairly well figured out (I'm basing this on the outline portions you've included as well as what you've written). Transitions will need to be inserted, but it seems like that is probably one of your next steps.
All in all, this was fascinating to read! I can't wait to see the final draft.

Jenni-
All your primary resource is really shining through here, and even though you were never able to find those elusive flapper diaries, I think "IT", "The Flapper", and "Bernice Bobs Her Hair" are GREAT sources.
My favorite part was your in-depth analysis of these movies, and the story. I've never seen "IT" or "The Flapper" and I thought you did a fabulous job describing them. They are both silent movies, right? You did such a good job describing what happened, I cant even tell ( I mean this as a big compliment: you really gave a lot of voice to these movies with no words). You clearly spent a good deal of time examining these sources! Same goes with Bernice Bobs Her Hair...This is really great stuff, and very compelling.
I think that the biggest thing I would suggest working on would be branching the stories of Kotex, etc with the movies and story you analyze. You do a really nice job tying these all together at the end, and I think your intro can include a bit more about the movies etc in the beginning so we know what we're going to read about (you say you're going to discuss them on page 3, but I would consider tying them in in the beginning a bit more).
Your paper has left me with a lot of questions---what about changing attitudes regarding childrearing? How did class status play into this? Money?---which is a GOOD thing! You obviously can't cover the history of the modern women all in this paper, and you do a great job leaving us curious, but not unsatisfied. Great Job!